A New Me
by AdamJosehKHP
Summary: Formally "mentors, lovers, friends, and haters" I'm bad at summaries. Adam, O/C This is my first story on here and I haven't written in a while so please bear with me. Rated M. Few other characters over time.
1. New Start

I OWN NO ONE EXCET JAISON AND HIS FAMILY...sadly...

Jaison Devin Smith woke up to someone banging on his door. "Jaison get up already you wouldn't want to be late on your first day of school," His mom was still banging. She wasn't giving up anytime soon, so he rolled out of his nice warm bed opened the door. "Alright I'm up," he said as he grabbed his new Degrassi Community School uniform. He walked into the bathroom and started a shower. _New School. New House. New Life. New Me._ He stepped out of the shower and started to dress. He pulled on His binder, some boxers, and his new (and ugly he might add) khaki pants. He was dreading school today. What if everyone knew? What if someone outted him? He knew that there was another FTM at school, but he' heard about the bathroom incident, and the harassment. Zane Park had told him, they both attend the weekly GLBT meetings in the cafeteria at Degrassi. He warned Jaison about Bianca, Fitz, and Owen. Zane got him worried, he meant well but Jaison was still worried.

Jaison's POV

"Here is your student I.D. you have to wear it to get in any classroom. I've sent a mass message to all your teachers, and you're just in time for 3rd period," Mr. Simpson walked me to class. Ms. Dawes' grade 11 English. I'm not sure why I was put in here, maybe because I love writing. I saw a couple of kids in my grade. They sat kind of close to each other and in the back. "Ah Mr. Simpson you brought us a new student wonderful," Ms. Dawes was one of those serious, fake happy, people who get on your nerves faster than you can blink. "Yes, it is Ms. Dawes. This Is Jaison Smith he's in grade 10 but I'm sure he can meet your standards," Mr. Simpson was good at playing fake happy too. "Well Jaison, you can sit in the back behind Adam," Ms. Dawes seemed to have good means by sitting me next to Adam. I have met him once before, He had come to one LGBT meeting by himself. I wasn't sure if he remembered me, but I remembered him. I went and took me seat, leaving Mr. Simpson to talk to Ms. Dawes. "Hello, Jaison right? I've met you before," Adam reached out a hand to shake once I'd sat down. "Yeah, we met at the LGBT meeting in the park," I say back. "Hey, I'm Claire and this is Eli," the girl next to Adam said as she gestured to the boy in front of her. "Hello Claire, Eli, I'm Jaison," I shook their hands. "Jaison will you please stand up and tell the class something about yourself?" Ms. Dawes asked. At this moment I just _love_ her. I stand up and immediately see all eyes turn and stare at me. I took a deep breath and tried to think of something interesting. "Well, I'm Jaison, I'm 15, and I'm FTM transgender." I sat back down. Everyone just looked at me; _did you really honestly just say that?_ I couldn't believe myself at first. Oh well, better find out from me than anyone else. Ms. Dawes started teaching so everyone turned and paid attention. I was writing a poem when a note landed on my desk._ You're seriously Trans? Wow you don't look it at all. Claire _I looked up at her, and then back down at the paper. I began writing back. _Uh yeah I am what do you mean I don't look it. Is there a standard? _Ms. Dawes had just walked out of the room to get some copies from the printer. I threw the note at Claire and she grabbed it quickly. I saw her scribbling quickly before the note was again tossed onto my desk. I realized that she had passed it to Adam who pretended to scratch his back as he dropped it onto my desk. _No, no standard just used to Adam I guess _I looked down at the note. Wonder if Adam read it before handing it back. I wrote quickly and folded it back up. _I'm on testosterone already so I actually look masculine (no offense to Adam) _I passed it to Adam just as Ms. Dawes walked into the room. He then passed the note to Claire as he pretended it return her "borrowed" book. Their skill was amazing. The bell rang and we all got up and left the room. "Anyone know where remedial gym is?" I ask while looking at my schedule. "Oh you have class with me I'll take you," Adam says as we stop at his locker.


	2. A Little bit of Lost

I OWN NO ONE EXCEPT JAISON AND HIS FAMILY AND ANY OTHER O/Cs...though i wish i owned them all

Remedial Gym was absolute HELL! We played darts; in all honesty we played FUCKING DARTS. WHAT THE FUCK? How is that even gym? I felt like we should be drinking beer and yelling at each other like drunken crazy people while we played the "sport". Is darts eve a sport? Football is a sport, soccer is a sport, tennis is a sport, baseball is a sport, and darts is NOT a sport. Anyways, Adam and I made plans to meet at The Dot for lunch. I was running a bit late because I couldn't find my locker, which was cleverly placed one away from Adam's (right next to his brother's). Once I threw everything into my locker I grabbed my backpack and started walking towards The Dot. I caught up with Adam and a really beautiful girl. "Hey Adam," I say as I reach them. "Hey Jais this is Fiona, Fi this is Jaison," Adam introduced us. "Hello Fiona, he talks about you a lot you know," I say as Adam blushes. "Oh do you now?" Fiona tried to act mad but it was obvious she wasn't. They kissed (major eww) and he grabbed her hand. They talked all mushy and lovey till we reached The Dot. We walked in, ordered and sat down with Claire and Eli. "So, anyone getting the new Dead Man Walks comic?" Eli asks as I look at the menu. "No, I'm getting it first thing in the morning," Adam answers. "Wait are you guys talking about #9832?" I ask. "DUH!" they both answer at the same time. I picked my backpack up and dug through it. I found the laminate cover and pulled it out. "WOAH!" Eli was obviously stunned. "How did you get that? It doesn't come out until tomorrow," Adam questioned me. "Oh my dad works for the shipping company, he gets them out of his paycheck for me," I say as I hand the comic to Adam. "Ugh, boys and their comics," Fiona remarks with fake annoyance. "I know right? It's so boring," Claire says holding in laughter. I went back through my backpack and pulled out something I knew they would love. A twilight graphic novel landed on the table. "Dude why do you have that?" Eli asked giving me a quizzical look. "well most girls love twilight, so all you have to do to get them to shut up is show them anything that involves rob patz," I explain as the girls gush over the book. Adam hands back Dead Man Walking right as my phone begins to beep. "Shit," I curse out loud. I forgot that I needed a T shot today. "Excuse me guys," I say as I grab the small case I kept my medication in. I went into the bathroom and got set up for my shot. I took off my shirt and swiftly pushed the needle into my arm. After checking for blood I slowly emptied the needle before removing it. I put a little snoopy dog bandage over the site. I caped the needle and put it with the other used ones, replacing my shirt I walked back out. "When's lunch over?" I ask as our food arrives. "We have 45 minutes to eat and get to our next class," Adam answers. He looks kind of down, maybe he's just upset. Claire makes us all pray before we eat, then we all eat quickly and make small talk in between bites. "So, Jaison Adam tells me you're an FTM," Fiona sounds interested. _Probably just trying to make conversation._ "Yeah I am," I respond trying not to sound annoyed. "That's cool you look so masculine," she says reaching out and touching my arm. "Uh, thanks," I say. "Guys we have to get back to school like 5 minutes ago," Claire says as she gets up quickly.

I headed to my last class of the day, disappointed that I again had no friends in the same room. Media Immersion, oh fun! Can't you smell the sarcasm? I hate computers but its whatever. I gave my schedule to Ms. Oh and she pointed me to a seat, or should I say ball. This whole exercise ball thing is weird. I sat down and got lost in my thoughts. "OMG JAISON!" I look up as I hear someone scream. "ZANE!" I jump up and hug him. "Hey what about me?" Riley asks from behind. I grabbed him and we group hugged. "BOYS! SIT DOWN!" Ms. Oh was NOT happy with us. I sat down and turned towards the front, next thing I knew I hear a scream and a thud. I looked to my left and noticed that Riley had fallen off the exercise ball and unto the floor. "Riley Stavros I suggest a behavior change," Ms. Oh said sternly. "Yes ma'am, sorry ma'am" Riley responded politely before picking himself off the floor. "So Jaison you got a boyfriend?" Zane has been determined to get me a date for at least a year now. "No not yet, but I like one guy, only bad thing, I think he's straight," I respond. I couldn't help it but I kind of liked a guy I had seen in the hall. I think his name was Fritz or Fizz or something like that. He was sexy, and I wanted him. "What's his name?" Riley asked leaning over Zane. "Uh, I'm not too sure, I just saw him in the hall I think his name is like frits or fizz or something," I say, honesty's the best policy, eh? The both looked at me, then each other, and then back at me. "Mark Fitzgerald, AKA Fitz, you don't want to get mixed up with him, he beat up Adam and tried to out Riley," Zane explained to me. "Oh, well maybe he's just in Narnia," I say hoping for a chance with Mark. "Hope all you want but when he breaks your heart don't cry to us," Riley says as he shares a quick kiss with Zane.

I walked to The Dot after school and ordered a coffee, today had been long, but worth it. I wasn't in much of a hurry to get home, mom got off work at 8 and my brothers could take care of themselves. "Hey you're Jaison right?" A girl, a really pretty girl, asked me as I was about to walk out. "Uh yeah I am mind if I ask who you are." I felt bad, because she was in one of my classes. "Oh, I'm Bianca," the pretty girl responded. "So, can I help you?" I ask. Hopefully I don't come off as rude. "No just wondering what you were doing tonight," she said nonchalantly. "I have to babysit my little brothers," I smiled at her. "Well, next time you're free you should come to the ravine with us," Mark had just walked up beside her. "To do what?" I ask. "Get drunk, high, and fuck of course," Bianca responded like I was the dumbest person she knew. "Oh, uh, I'm gay," I say as I grew more and more uncomfortable. "It's alright he is too," Bianca says slightly gesturing towards Mark. "Cool, I got to go now, see you guys around," I say as I start walking to my house. "Hey wait up," Mark calls from behind me. I stop so that he can catch up. "Don't give me away alright?" He says as he puts his arm around me. "I won't," I say as we walk towards my house. "So, can I help you babysit?" Mark asks as we reach my front door. "Sure, I don't think my mom will mind," I say fumbling with my key. I opened the door and my brothers ran to hug me. "Jaison mama says you in trouble cause you no come home and you no watch us," Derek, the youngest, babbled. "Oh did she now?" I say not really caring. "Uh huh," Derek replied walking off to go play or something. Mark and I walked into my bedroom and sat down on the bed. "So do you go by Mark, or Fitz?" I ask his as he leaned against the wall. "Fitz to most people, but Mark is fine," He says as he pulls me towards him. We sat in silence watching T.V. for a while, my head against his chest and his hand stroking my hair. "So, why do you hang out with freaks?" Mark asks as I sit up. "What do you mean?" I ask. "Torres is a girl you know, I liked him but he's a lesbian," He said kind of hurt. "What's wrong with him being a girl?" I ask truly wondering if I should keep leading him on. "Nothing I just thought he would be someone I could like," Mark says. "Well I'll tell you straight out I'm gay, I'm female bodied, but I am a boy," I say worried that he'll walk out on me. "See, I like you, you're straight out, and you're gay that gives you 20 brownie points," He says smiling. "Well you're sweet, so that's 25 brownie points, but its minus 15 for calling Adam a freak," I say as I lean over him to grab the remote. I end up Laying next to him dozing off on my bed. I don't know how long we slept before I heard my mom walk in. "Jaison, Derek, Paul," Mom wanted us all down stairs. I hear Derek and Paul fight each other over who's hugging her first. I lay down and Mark lies next to me. I pretend I didn't hear when mom walked in; she shook me lightly trying to wake me. "Hmm?" I ask as I open my eyes. "Come help me with dinner let him sleep," She's used to coming home to random boys in my room. At first she was all worried about them finding out, but I proved that I can take care of myself.

We had been cooking and talking about my day at school when Mark stumbled down stairs. "Morning sleepy head," I joke as he follows his nose into the kitchen. "Morning'," he says as he tries to fully wake up. "Mom this is Mark Fitzgerald, Mark this is my mom," I introduce them as he rubs his eyes. "Can he stay for dinner?" I ask as he comes up behind me and holds me around my waist. "If his parents say it's okay," Mom says turning back to the pot of boiling water. "They don't care what I do long as I ain't dead and I go to school," Mark tells her as he drags me to the couch. "Mark!" I scold him as he pulls me down onto the couch. "Don't get all gross and inappropriate with your brothers in the house, I swear if they tell me about you being half naked AGAIN I will take it upon myself personally to kill you!" Mom jokes from the kitchen. I try to drown her out as Mark makes out with me. He tasted sweet, like pepermint and chocolate, and a little bit rough, like smoke and alcohol.

A.N. Long chapters are rare enjoy it please next one might not be as long. REVIEW! Oh and it will get worse I mean what good can come out of Fitz and Jaison? Obviously none. That Is All Peace~love~AdamJoe


	3. Inner thoughts

_**A/N Short update. Comments are welcome. This isn't all that good, I wrote Adam's part from a lot of my own thoughts, enjoy! Oh yeah Jaison's part is just a continuation of chapter 2. Adam's is after school sometime. DISCLAIMER i do not own degrassi or any other copyrighted material i ownly own jaison his family and any other o/cs **_

I love that taste. It was what I looked for when things got bad. It's what I longed for when he was gone. "Food's done," mom called to us. We broke apart and he grabbed my hand as we went into the kitchen. Mom had served everyone, and made Paul and Derek sit at the table. "Mind if we eat outside?" I ask as I hand Mark a plate. "Go for it, but if you take off bring your plates in," I barely hear mom because I'm halfway to the door.

After dinner I walk Mark to his house and we share a long kiss before I begin walking home. I took a short cut through the park when I hear someone running up behind me. "Hey! Jaison! Wait up!" Adam, I can tell by the way he struggled to keep his voice low and how hard he was breathing. I stop walking so that he can catch up. "Hey Adam what's up?" I ask putting my arm around his shoulders. "No touchy feely bull," Adam jokes pushing me off. "So what's up?" I ask truly curious as to why he was so eager to talk to me. "What's it like?" He asks suddenly. "What's what like?" I ask confused as to what he means. "You know, the uh the T," he asks nervously. "Oh uh it's alright I guess," I say trying to sound unenthusiastic. I know how much jealousy hurts when someone has what you want. When you don't have something that you NEED to survive. Something that hurts to not have, not like an I-Pod or a video game, no something you have to be born without to know what you're missing. Like diabetics are envious of regular people, who take insulin for granted. Like a guy with testicular cancer, he only misses the T when it's gone. "Oh, cool," Adam says trying, and failing, at sounding enthusiastic. He turns around and walks slowly to his house.

ADAM'S POV

Sure I'll admit it; I'm jealous, extremely jealous of Jaison. I mean how can I not be? He has everything that I want, except Fiona, he can't take her. Can he? I mean so much has gone wrong lately. First Fiona and I fight over some stupid party, then Fiona and I broke up because she felt that I didn't trust her. I couldn't deal with the break up so I came out to her, she hugged me, and we got back together. Now, this new guy shows up and thinks he runs the place, I mean I saw him with Fitz today. How could he be with that asshole? He doesn't even know what Fitz did to me. Maybe I'm judging him to harshly. Right now I don't really care I'm just pissed. I went to therapy today and my therapist says that I can start T, but my doctor says I have to wait another year so that I grow taller. I'm perfectly fine with my height I mean sure I'm not as tall as Drew, or Eli, or even Jaison but I'm tall enough. I can just say that the men in my family are short. I don't get why I even have to bother with therapy I mean it's not my fault that I was born with a physical disorder. WHY DO I HAVE TO SUFFER? I just don't understand this at all, I wish I knew why I was born different. Every time I look in the mirror I don't see Adam I see Gracie and she laughs a cold hard evil laugh. Gracie should have never existed she should have never been born. Why couldn't mom have just had a normal son? Why was this God guy given so much power? I mean I don't even believe in Him anymore because he's such a greedy bastard, He wants all of us to follow him and not think for ourselves, but I, Adam cannot ever again be Gracie. I just wish I could end it all, end everything, I wish I could fall into blackness and never again awaken.


	4. Adam's Thoughts and Turmoil

_**A/N Word count is 628. I tried really hard for this chapter and I have the links to the binders that Adam refers to. I used the BrandNames for them both because thats how most people I know identify their binders, by make, then model. This chapter was kind of hard to write because it again brought a lot of my own feelings into play. I have yet to ever own a Binder, I want one REALLY badly but it's not happening right now. I have the links to the binders that Adam has, and Jaison's binder if you would like them. Anyways read, review, love, it also hints at a future event. Peace~Love~AdamJay**_

_**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN DEGRASSI OR ANYONE OR ANYTHING ELSE METIONED IN THIS STORY, I OWN JAISON HIS FAMILY AND ANYOTHER O/Cs**_

I guess that's never going to happen. I have a date with Fi in a few minutes; I'm running around the house like a madman looking for my beanie. I mean come on how am I supposed to get out of the house without my beanie? "ADAM FIONA'S HERE!" Drew screams from down stairs. Is it really so much trouble to come up here and get me. "COMING!" I scream back at him. I keep frantically searching for my hat finally finding it resting at the foot of my bed. _Why didn't I look there before?_ I rush down stairs to find Fiona waiting patiently by the door. "Hey babe, sorry to keep you waiting, I couldn't find my beanie," I say as I grab her hand and we walk outside. I don't know what her problem with driving is but evidently she can't do it. We walk the few blocks to her condo and go inside. I tell my mom that we go out to the Dot or to some high class restaurant when in all reality we just go to her apartment and watch movies and eat takeout. Today I get to pick the movie, Knocked Up, and Fi picks out the takeout menu. I'm trying not to think about Jaison, I mean seriously I'm pretty worried. _What if Fiona likes him better? What if he proves himself to be better? _I don't know. Maybe I'm just too worried.

Fiona and I lay across her couches. I guess we fell asleep because next thing I know I'm on the floor and she's snoring slightly. I kiss her, write a quick note, and leave. I walk home slowly worried, what if Fitz or Owen or someone else like them sees me. What if they know? What if I get jumped? What if I get raped? My mom thinks that I don't worry about these things, but she's wrong, so very wrong. I always think about it. I'm scared that someone will know and that someone will try to "fix" me. I'm scared but I will NEVER admit it. I reach my house and go inside. "ADAM WHERE WERE YOU? I WAS SO WORRIED! ARE YOU OKAY? NOBODY HURT YOU RIGHT? YOU DIDN'T CALL, OH MY GOD, I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD!" yeah typical mom over reacting. "I'm fine mother, I was running late. We didn't expect to take so long, I'm fine," I explain. "Good, go to sleep I'll see you in the morning," she kisses me and goes back to whatever she was doing. I go to my room and start removing layers of clothing. My jacket goes first, then, my hat. My shirt gets unbuttoned. I remove my shoes. I take off my belt; careful can't let my pants fall. I drop my shirt to the floor. I pull of the shirt under it. I take a few seconds to throw some of the clothes into the hamper. My muscle shirt goes next. I then remove my binder. I kick off my jeans and replace my muscle shirt. All that useless clothing while Drew can walk around with no shirt on. It took me a full year to buy my UnderWorks binder, and another six months to get my T-Kingdom one. I prefer the T-Kingdom but I don't know a few of my buddies online prefer UnderWorks. I was so happy when I could finally afford a binder. Mom was pretty pissed, but I paid for them with my own money so she couldn't say much. I lie down in my bed and curl up. I can hear Drew's radio playing through the wall. My eyelids get heavy, all the anger and confusion of today is gone as I slip into a warm peaceful sleep.


	5. violent delights have violent ends

_**A/N This is a hard chapter to write. The ending is really upsetting, and I couldn't go into much detail, because I would have made myself cry, and I would have done the scene no justice. I'm a lot like Jaison, and a lot like Adam. I talk to myself and objects like "soap warriors" and trees gossip if you listen. :P Enjoy! Word count it 1,711. Chapter flowed by its self, Jaison writes for himself. again Enjoy! Comment?**_

_**DISCLAIMER I DO NOT OWN DEGRASSI OR ANY ONE OR ANYTHING MENTIONED IN THIS STORY. I OWN JAISON, HIS FAMILY, AND ANYOTHER O/Cs.**_

JAISON POV

My alarm jolts me from my sleep, and I gracefully fall face first to the floor. Tuesdays were never my strong suit. I know I should say that for Mondays, but I love Mondays, they're like the fresh start we all want. I pull myself off the floor and walk to the bathroom. My feet hit the cold tile and I inhale sharply, I'm normally a morning person but not when the cold is involved. I can't wait till the summer, heat, sun, and I'm finally getting chest surgery. Why is it that FTMs tend to be gifted with extremely large lumps of fat? I mean did God say "and I shall torture you with massive fatty lumps"? It just doesn't make sense. I turn on the taps and step into the shower; I love how the world disappears and I'm left alone with my thoughts. The heat feels good on my cold toes, and I stop thinking as they defrost. A few minutes later and I'm standing under the shower head as the little water army men carry the soap off my body. I laugh to myself thinking about water army men. Wonder what happens at the recruitment office. _Mr. Waterman, are you committed to fighting battles of soapy gore? Committed to getting Jaison squeaky clean? If so then we want you! Join now! _Hmm that sounds kind of fun actually. I step out of the shower and grab a towel. It's still early and mom has left already, my day to get the kids up. I get in my room and search the floor for a binder; I give up after a few minutes and grab a clean one out of my drawer. We may not be rich but I make my own money, I've been buying myself binders for 3 years now. I haven't grown much so I have about 4 that are all still in good condition. I pull it on and go to my closet. I hate having to wear uniforms, they just look gross. I find a purple "Degrassi Community School" shirt and grab a wrinkled pair of kakis off the floor. I finish getting dress and go to my brothers' room. They're both gone, that's odd. I head downstairs to the kitchen and find a note _thought I'd get the kids off to school for you, see you after school. Love, Mom _Well now I have an hour before I'd normally leave guess I'll leave now. I grab my bag and head out the door. The early morning breeze touches my face softly, much like a whisper. The trees gossip all around me, I imagine them talking as I walk. _Is that Jaison? He's gotten taller, wonder what he's doing tonight. I remember when he was little. Me too! I wish he still liked to climb up into my branches. I remember when he fell off my mine._ I entertain myself for a while. Without much more than a "LOOK OUT" I run right into someone. We crash and fall as the trees stop their gossip and hold their breaths. "Sorry, I'm so sorry!" I pick myself up and dust off before looking to see who I ran into. It was Adam; he picked himself up and dusted off. I saw a slight smirk before he went back into his mind. "No, I think it was mine, I was hearing the trees gossip," He says looking up. "So was I thought I was the only one who was that crazy," I say through giggles. He starts laughing and we know we're not going to stop. Before we know it we're lying in the grass rolling around. I couldn't catch my breath and I could hear Adam struggling for his. Suddenly a hearse parked by the curb, we both looked up and fell over again. I finally catch my breath as Eli walks over to us. "Adam, what are you two doing? Claire has me running all over town looking for you and you're laughing like crazy ass druggies lying in the grass. WHAT THE HELL?" he's obviously pissed, but we just can't stay serious. "We got distracted, the trees started to gossip about us," I say looking serious. "Yeah, we had to defend ourselves," Adam tries to help my story. "You know what, I really don't want to know, into the hearse both of you, we're going to be late to class," Eli scolds helping us up off the floor. I can't believe that we've been laughing for almost an hour.

**This part is two weeks later, Jaisons been at Degrassi for 2 weeks.**

I have an open during second, so I go to find Adam. I see him leaning against his locker reading "the Goon". I still don't get why he hates Mark so much, I mean it's been 2 weeks and I haven't seen any bad in him. Adam smirks as I approach. "You me and Eli are going off campus," He says throwing his bag into the locker. I toss my bag over my shoulder and walk with him around the corner, Eli is waiting impatiently at his locker. "Where's Claire?" Adam asks tilting his head a little. "She's got a doctor's appointment, that means I'll be all alone this period," He says sadly as he stands upright and starts leading the mini group. "Freak" I don't know who said it, but next thing I know Adam's being shoved up against a locker. "Fuck off," He replies, and I see a football jock walking away. "Who was that?" I ask as Adam glares at the guy's back. "That is Owen, he is a total complete bastard," Eli says as he pushes open the school doors. I shrug and follow him out. We get into his hearse, for whatever reason he calls it Morty, and start driving. "Wait, where are we going?" Adam asks he sadly ended up squished in between me and Eli. "Um, I don't know any ideas?" Eli responds taping the steering wheel as the car comes to a stop at the red light. "We can go to my place, no one's there and I think I forgot my English book," I suggest digging through my bag. "Sounds good to me," Adam says. "Got food?" Eli asks. "DUH" I respond as we pull down De Grassi Street. "It's like 4 houses away from Adam's," I say pointing him in the right direction.

We pull up and I open the front door. "Nice…..uh….boxes?" Eli says slightly confused. "We've only been here a month excuse us for not having time to unpack," I say pushing past them. "Wait you've been here for a month and you just started school two weeks ago. How'd you pull that off?" Adam asks lying on the couch and looking for the remote. "Easy, I had to wait for my records to transfer," I say as I head upstairs to look for my book. I go into my room and dig around for the book, I find it buried under a pile of clothes on my floor. I open it and a note falls out. _You keep quiet about us, that's all I ask._ It's obviously from Mark, who else would it be from? "Hey Jaison, do you have a bathroom?" I hear Eli scream from downstairs. "It's up here" I yell back. I walk out the room and point Eli to the bathroom. Walking downstairs I notice that Adam has fallen asleep on the couch, he's on his back with one arm hanging over the edge and drool running down his face. I know I wasn't upstairs that long, wonder how fast he crashed.

I walk home with Mark as usual and we have a mad crazy make out session on my bed. I love how when we make out I see colors in the darkness. Before I know it we're dry humping and his hand is nearing my southern region. I grow nervous, unsure of what he's going to do. I'm a virgin, never really found sex appealing, it grosses me out. I'm not asexual, but sex kind of makes me squirm. I think it's because I've never been comfortable having a V where there should be a P. His hand slips under my waistband and his fingers are where no one's (not even mine) have been before. I feel pain, and I try to get out of his grasp. "Mark no stop that hurts," I say trying to push him away. He won't stop and I'm not strong enough to get him off. I feel tears brimming about to fall. It hurts, a lot. I don't love him enough to go through this pain. He pulls out a knife and tells me to stop crying, he tells me it's what I wanted, and it's what I'll get. He drops his pants and pulls mine down. Before I know it, he's sticking another finger in me, it hurts worse, I scream. He pushes the knife against my neck, and starts removing his fingers. I pray to God that this will end; I pray that he'll stop. I whimper as he pushes his penis inside me, it hurts like hell I don't understand how this can be pleasurable. He finishes, thank god I no longer have a period. He pulls his pants up, I whimper in fear. He smiles, a cold hard smile, a smile I hope to never see again. "Maybe that'll fix you, I may seem nice but looks can be deceiving. You and Grace are freaks, live with it. You're a girl, always will be, and don't bother pressing charges, no one will care about a freak being cured," He says as he leaves. I shake and start crying, I can't believe that I actually believed people can change. I can't believe that I let him touch me. It hurts to move, it hurts to think about it hurting. I reach under my pillow and grab my phone. I call my mom; I don't know what to say. I just sob into the phone and she says she'll be right home. I don't want her to know, I don't want anyone to know. I hate being this way, Mark was right; I'm a freak nothing more. I'm a girl, and that'll never change.


	6. Loverswell kind of

_**A/N Here's a little i-havent-done-my-homework-because-writing-fanfiction-and-eating-chocolate-is-10x-more-fun enjoy I DON'T OWN ANYONE OTHER THAN JAISON AND HIS FAMILY AND ANYOTHER O/Cs **_

Rape kits, I don't know what's worse, the actual rape, or being addressed as "Sir" and "Jais" as they do a rape kit, proving I'm not a boy, I'm not Jaison. I'm Jazmine, the scared little girl that lives inside of Jaison. The one who's very shy, I never talk out of turn, the one who pretends not to listen to bullies, but every word is burned into my brain, the one who is always bubbly and happy, even when inside there's a big mess. I asked Adam to be here, he's the only one who could understand. I need someone who knows what I'm going through, I need someone who won't say "it's going to be okay". I wince as the lady begins, I block it out and stop moving, stop doing anything, and I've become a shell. I don't know if I can do this anymore, it's so hard being someone I wasn't born as.

January 28, 2011

The minutes turn to hours the hours to days the days into a week, a whole week and I can't go back to school, not yet. I'm torn and broken in more ways than one. I just want to be back at my old school, my old bed, my old life. I want to go back to before I knew I was different, to before I knew I wasn't right. Adam comes to visit after school on Friday he brings my homework and a few cards and notes from teachers wishing me well. I thank him and he sits on the couch next to me and puts his hand on my leg. I flinch and push him away; he seems to understand I'm still scared. I still don't trust my judgment. He doesn't say "I told you so" or "what did I say" he just sits and lets me cry, he helps me with my homework. I can't wait until next week, maybe then I'll go back to school.

ADAMS POV

January 28, 2011

I've been distant all week, Fiona thinks I'm crazy, Eli and Claire are sympathetic. I smile as I pass Jaison's locker. I've taped a single white rose to the door. Hopefully it won't die before he comes back. I mean I get it, he was raped that's a hard thing to get over, but missing so much school is making him seem hermit like. Fiona comes up behind me and kisses me. I smile and kiss back, thinking that my life can't get much better. Fiona is the best thing that's happened to me in, well, ever. "How's he been holding up?" she asks. I'm pretty much the only one Jaison talks to anymore. "Last I checked on him he was still pretty messed up," I say as I grab her hand and walk towards the school doors. I love that I get off early on Fridays, gives Fiona and I more time together. We walk towards my house and pass by a flower stand on the way. I buy a couple of roses, I don't know why I like them so much, I just do. I hand 6 roses to Fiona, 2 are white, 2 are red, and the last 2 are pink. We walk by Jaison's and I leave the remaining white roses, six in all, on the door step before we keep walking. I bet you think it's weird that I give him roses but white roses are for purity and he needs to have pure thoughts, and it was Fiona's idea to begin with.

January 31, 2011

Valentine's Day is 15 days away, so I plan for tomorrow's first gift. Since Fiona and I started dating over a year ago I always give her a small gift leading up to every holiday, 24 small gifts until Christmas, 13 until valentines, and 20 until her birthday. The little gifts all have something to do with the bigger one. This year I bought her a ring, 14 karat gold studded with diamonds 0.40 carats. I may be a guy but I know the 4 C's in buying a ring, color, cut, carat, clarity. I already bought it, cost a lot too. I really don't mind spending so much on Fi, so tomorrow I'll buy her a ring pop, followed by rock candies. I just love making her guess what I'm getting her. I can't wait until tomorrow.

The next day rolls around slowly, I despise snow. I really hate that school isn't canceled and Eli's skipping so I have to walk to school. I pull on some boots and a jacket. I walk out the door and rush right back in when I realize how cold my head is, knew I forgot something. I shake the little bit of snow that's collected on my jacket, CURSE YOU SNOW. I take my jacket off and my boots so that mom won't complain that I've tracked snow all through the house. I rush upstairs and grab my beanie off the bedpost, and now I've got to take a piss. How convenient I have a half hour to make it to school which usually takes a whole hour, and now I've got to piss. I rush to the bathroom and sigh when I see the oh-so-lovely bit of red-brown on the toilet paper. I reach forward into the drawer below the sink. Thank you God for giving me your fucking gift on the day I've really been looking forward to, FUCK YOU OLD MAN. I finish up and can't remember whether or not I have extras at school, thank the maker of jeans for making the pockets large enough that I can hide a handful of tampons in there without anyone noticing. I rush back out of the house and start running down the street, I can't believe we got this much snow over night. I don't have time to stop at the store so I plan a trip to the store during 2nd period. I barely reach school right as the late bell rings; I'm out of breath and kind of hungry. I'm a few minutes late to class due to the extensive search at the door, cops looked kind of freaked to see me empty my pockets, and I had to be escorted to my locker then to class. Mrs. Oh wasn't please with me, but she'll get over it.

Class is long and major boring, why do I care about the history of Blogs, I don't damn it. The bell rings and I bolt out of the classroom. I slam the locker door shut and head out of the building. I run towards my house and stop at a corner store; I buy a couple of ring pops and some pop rocks and head back towards The Dot. I hope Fiona isn't skipping so that I can sit around and talk with Peter. He's a lot more interesting then he looks. I sit at the bar and order a soda pop.


	7. Forbidden Fruit

_**I DONT OWN DEGRASSI OR ANYTHING ELSE I OWN JAISON AND HIS FAMILY AND ANY OTHER O/Cs CREDIT TO MY FRIEND CJ FOR HIS INPUT AND AS ALWAYS REVIEW**_

JAISON POV

School, not exactly where I want to be on a cold Tuesday morning, I mean who wants to be at school? I hate the craziness and drama and all over horrible pain of school. I shuffle class to class a few people say "hey are you okay" and genuinely mean it. I'm really depressed but I feel fine. The day drags on and on without me trying to make it. I go to lunch feeling extremely depressed. I can't believe how lonely I've been today, wonder where everyone is. Adam runs up to me at lunch and drags me into a random classroom. I'm startled at first then I remember that we have an LGBT club meeting. Wonder how Adam knew I was here. I take a seat next to Zane and Riley. They're all lovely all over each other…gross…..and the meeting begins.

Zane's POV

I feel bad for Jaison I really do, but you have to get over some things. I mean I get it, now everyone who now knows he's female is going to think that he's that way because he was raped, but he knows inside that he isn't. I just don't get why guys like him, guys like Adam, just care way to much about what others think. I'm gay; the world can suck one and deal. I just wish I could understand what it is that makes them so self conscious; maybe it's the fact that if they don't try people call them girls.

Adam's POV

I was shocked when Zane told me that Jaison was here. Pleased as well, Just knowing that was good. I was pleased. Today we were assigning a new president and vice president for next year's LGBT club. I would run but I'm this little thing called LAZY. I just don't like working and running the LGBT club is a lot of work. I'm daydreaming as usual and the meeting begins with Larissa at the front of the room ready to assign her duties to someone else. "Okay, annual who-wants-to-work-their-asses-off-to-run-this-club," she says as a couple of guys I don't know bring in our pride flag. She reads off the list of candidates for the position. I go back to my day dream, maybe I should take Fi out for dinner to a nice Italian restaurant, or maybe I could talk mom into cooking. I wonder- "Adam Torres," what the hell Larissa did not just call out my name. No, it was Zane, vice president. "Uh, what?" I ask sitting upright almost immediately. "Vice president Candidates," Jaison says rolling his eyes. "But, who nominated me?" I ask I know I didn't nominate myself. "Me, Zane, and Riley, thought you needed a life outside of comics and video games," Jais says grinning.

Jaison's POV

Wasn't my idea to add Adam to the vice president candidates list. It was Zane's idea; he said that Adam needs to embrace the culture of the community. Not my business, but whatever so I nominated him. He didn't seem mad, just kind of shocked. I mean I personally work as the paperboy, didn't take that long to convince Zane that I needed a place in the office. I mean at my last school our LGBT club didn't even have an office. Anyways I think Adam will be a good vice president…..if he gets off his lazy ass.

Adam's POV

I just zoned back out god the end of today needs to come like NOW! I got up the second the bell rang and bolted towards my class. I can't wait to get out of here I wonder what Fiona will say when I give her the ring.

Jaison's POV

Adam was long gone the second the bell rang and I wasn't that far behind him. LGBT meets always made my ass fall asleep. I got to my history class right on time and laid my head on the desk. I just don't get why no one will leave me alone today seems like everyone is concerned with me. I just want to go home and hide in bed. I zone out all class and ask to go to the bathroom. I walk towards my locker and lean against it. I push off the locker and head towards the bathroom. Fiona walks past me and I see her eyes scan my body. I pretend not to notice as she starts walking towards me. "Hey Jaison," She seems almost innocent as she smiles slightly. "Hey Fi" I say back as my eyes wonder over her. "What are you doing tonight?" She seems anxious about something but I pretend not to notice. "Nothing why?" I ask wondering what's going through her mind. "Oh just wondering if you could help me with something," She says as she sweeps a bit of hair behind her ear. "Sure, as long as Adam doesn't mind," I say smirking. "Oh he doesn't control my whole life you know, he doesn't need to know if you come help me with something," She brushes against my arm as she continues walking down the hall. Talk about sexual tension, hormones raging I head for the bathroom.


	8. the fire heats up

_**A/N: I DON'T OWN DEGRASSI OR ANYONE BUT JAISON AND HIS FAMILY. PLEASE COMMENT! THANKS TO CJ AND THIS IS FOR purple389 CAUSE YOU REVIEW XP**_

I look in the mirror wondering. _Why was Fiona checking me out?_ I mean sure she's fine and all but why? Wonder what she wants help with, _what would she want that I can't tell Adam about? Whatever._ I shake off the weirdness and go into a stall. After doing my business I turn a little too quickly towards the door and run right into it. Stupid stalls stupid door stupid bathroom. I walk out, got to humor myself I guess. I walk down the hall towards my locker and see Adam sitting under it. "Hey Adam what's up" I say as I brush hair out of my eyes. "Hey Jaison," He says looking u at me. I sit next to him and he turns towards me. "What happened to you?" He asks as he tenderly touches my head. "Ouch," I say wincing that's obviously going to bruise. "I ran into the door," I say grinning and I turn towards him. I like him, but I'm pretty sure he doesn't like me back. "Yeah they just put the stall doors in you know" He says laughing. "So what's up?" I ask leaning my head against the locker door. "Nothing really, the pressure of class I guess." Adam replies running his hands through his hair. I watch him smiling; I just can't get over how perfect he looks. His lips are full and his eyes still have that childhood starriness. "My head really does hurt you know," I say as he stands up. He reaches out to help me up. I grab his hand and feel that spark, the spark that tells me _kiss him_. I ignore it and allow him to help me up. "Come on big boy," He jokes as we walk towards class. He smirks and kisses my forehead. "Now stop crying you big baby," He said as he walked down the hall towards his class. He walks almost angelic, god I can be such a girl sometimes. I shake the feeling and return to class. I fall back asleep and dream of Adam, a naughty dream in its best. Someone slams a book down on my desk and I jump. "Jaison!" My teacher sounds pissed. "Yeah?" I ask rubbing my eyes. "I know it's your first day back but you can't sleep through my class now what is genocide?" He asks turning back to the board. "Uh, I don't know," I say with a half smirk. "Well then zone back out cause you're no use to this class," its official he hates me. The feelings are mutual. I try to think of a plan of attack, and I get an idea. I slip a quick note to the guy next to me and I see him slide it on. By the time it reaches me again there are 18 signatures. That's just enough to keep the plan hidden. I can't wait for the bell to ring. I rush out of class and call Eli as I walk outside. I love days like today when the school decides well go to 4 classes instead of 8. I rush outside along with the rest of my class grabbing Adam on the way. We stalk the parking lot around our teacher's car. Adam asks what we're doing and I just smile and start making snowballs. He walks out carrying his briefcase and I send a text to Zane who is getting into his car with Riley. He leans on the horn and snowballs start flying. Mr. Clark doesn't know what direction to go in, we have him surrounded. After a few seconds everyone blots. Adam and I walk slowly and I hear "WHO EVER STARTED THAT IS GETTING SUSPENDED," Simpson is pissed. He can't give 20 kids detention can he? I hope not. I smile at Adam as we walk down the street, _DAMN BOY GET IN MY PANTS_. I love him! I brush my hand against his and pretend I don't realize. I keep walking forward and take him to his house. Since we took the long way to school his house appears before mine. I rush into the house and right into my mom. "Hey hon. do you mind babysitting I just have to get to work," She kisses my cheek as she rushes out. _Fuck. _I go upstairs and see that the boys are eating. I get online and decide to "check" facebook. My idea of checking means staying on for an hour before I do anything else. I check my cityville and a chat pops up.

_**Fifi Coyne: **__Hey you still coming over?_

_**J. Devon:**__ I can't I have to babysit _

_**Fifi Coyne:**__ Can I go over there?_

_**J. Devon:**__ Sure _

_**Fifi Coyne:**__ Have food?_

_**J. Devon:**__ I'll order pizza_

_**Fifi Coyne:**__ Be there in a few. House near Adams?_

_**J. Devon:**__ Yup see you_

_**Fifi Coyne has signed off.**_

I lean back in my chair and smile tonight is going to be good. I get the kids in the living room and turn the T.V. on for them. They fight over the remote so I put on Skins and rush upstairs to get my wallet. I get back downstairs with just enough time to open the door. The pizza guy and I exchange money and I start closing the door when I hear "Am I not welcome?" I smile and open the door wider. Fiona steps in and lightly pecks my cheek. I smile and head towards the kitchen. I hand Fiona a napkin and she helps herself. I can hear snickering from the other room. "What's going on in there?" I ask as I take a bite of pizza. "JAISON'S GOT A GIRLFRIEND," I hear my brothers start a chant. I roll my eyes and look at Fiona. She's smiling; I realize her eyes, like Adam's, still have that child-like shine. I don't know what to do. I like Fiona, but I like Adam, and they like each other. What to do? What to do? Fiona looks at me, "So about what I needed" She starts. "Yeah what was that?" I ask taking another bite. "I need that part of Romeo and Juliet with the fire and powder for my English assignment, do you have the book?" She asks that innocent expression creeps back onto her face. "Yeah, it's in my room you can come upstairs if you want. It's a bit of a mess," I say but she's already following me. I go into my room and find my bookshelf. I grab Romeo and Juliet and flip to the bookmarked page. My favorite quote; _these violent delights have violent ends and in their triumph die, like fire and powder, which as they kiss consume._ I love that quote. It's like my life! She looks at me as I hand her the book. "My favorite," I say as she reads it to herself. "Why?" She asks as she sits on the bed. "Just is, I mean it's true if you add gun powder to a fire the fire will just grow," I say as I sit next to her. I switch the T.V. on and we both reach for the remote. She grabs my hand and then moves back quickly. "Sorry, didn't mean to," She says and she smiles. I know she meant it and I smile at her. "No you're not," I say as I grab her hand. She blushed and grabbed my hand. "So can we watch a scary movie?" she asks as I start flipping channels. "Sure, anything you have in mind?" "Something I haven't seen before," She says as I lean back against the headboard. "Child's Play?" I ask as I click on it. "Sure, haven't seen that," she says laying her head on my chest. "This wimpy shit? It doesn't scare me at all," I say as she looks up. I laugh and turn back to watching the movie. About 20 minutes in Fiona jumps. I don't know what she's scared of I mean really the fucking doll just picked up a hammer nothing scary in that. _Right?_ Next thing I know her leg is over mine, her hand lies near my inner thigh rubbing lightly. Hormones start rushing, I may not want to admit that I like it, but I do. What guy wouldn't? She's hot and that's all I have to say on the subject. I want her, I really want her. I'm beginning to tremble from want, fuck that, from need. She looks up at me and smiles. "Scared?" She asks as a small smile sneaks onto her face. "No," I say rolling my eyes. "Face it you're scared of the doll," She says looking pleased. "Nope I'm not," I say trying to fake a serious look. "Then I know what's wrong," She says as I feel her hand creeping closer. "No you don't," I really don't get her problem. "Yes huh, you like me" She says as her hand reaches for my zipper. "No I don't," I say lightly grabbing her arm and moving it away.

"What the hell I thought you liked me," Fiona said looking pissed. "I do, but you're with Adam," I say laying my head against the pillow. "I've got to go," She says as she gets up and rushes out of the room. I turn the movie off and try to regain control of my hormones. I look at the clock and realize its 9:00 not late enough for bed. I hear faint crying from downstairs, and remember the boys. I jump up and rush downstairs to make sure they're both still in the living room. Paul looks at me and glares. "I'm telling mom you're dead meat," He says slowly walking towards the stairs. Derek obviously scared shitless, rushes to me crying. Paul's right mom's going to kill me. I rock him as I walk u the stairs and lay him in bed. "Night boys, mom'll be here in the morning," I say as I turn the light out.

I shut their door and head into my room. I power up my laptop and log onto facebook. I scroll through the newsfeed and notice that Fiona is online

_**J. Devon:**__ Uh hi_

_**Fifi Coyne:**__ What do you want?_

_**J. Devon:**__ I wanted to know if you were okay_

_**Fifi Coyne:**__ I'm fine Jaison_

_**J. Devon:**__ Sorry about what happened_

_**Fifi Coyne:**__ Don't be _

_**J. Devon:**__ I am_

_**Fifi Coyne:**__ you don't want me like that I understand_

_**J. Devon:**__ No it's not that, I do want you but you're with someone and he's my best friend._

_**Fifi Coyne:**__ ok_

_**J. Devon:**__ You okay?_

_**Fifi Coyne:**__ yes I'm fine_

_**Fifi Coyne has signed off.**_

I sign off and lay down in bed. I don't know what to do anymore. I reflect on the night's events and slowly drift into sleep.


	9. Hopelessly Adam

**_A/N I DON'T OWN ANYTHING OR ANYONE EXCEPT JAISON AND HIS FMILY AND ANY OTHER O/Cs AGAIN THANKS TO CJ HE MAKES THE STORY EPIC CAUSE IF I WERE STILL THE SOLO WRITER IT WOULD SUCK. REVIEWS PLEASE AND THANK YOU! MAYBE MORE LATER? CURRENTLY THIS IS AS MUCH AS WE HAVE WRITTEN THERE WILL BE MORE LATER. THE TRANSLATIONS FOR THE BIT OF SPANISH AT THE END IS AFTER THE STORY._**

ADAMS POV

I am jolted awake from this amazing dream by Drew. _Dear brother, FUCK YOU!_ He thinks he's the only one in this house well excuse your music I'm trying to sleep. I get up and realize I'm on the floor. Wonder how that happened. I grab my binder and a few shirts from my pile of clean clothes. _Brace yourself._ Drew and all his glory just left the bathroom. Talk about being gassed to death. I step in the shower and close my eyes. I just can't look at myself it starts everything, the depression, the dysphoria. I rush to be done and step out. I dry off and dress slowly as always boxers first, then pants. Binding next, and a multitude of shirts. I save the ugly purple one for last, _I mean seriously purple? What were they thinking? _I mean come on color coding the classes with all different colors. Makes no sense thank you Mr. Dumbass, some of you may know him as Mr. Simpson but he doesn't deserve a proper name. I walk out of the bathroom and call Fiona. "Hey Babe," She always answers this way, I think it's cute. "Hey yourself," I say back. "You're so mean!" She says. I laugh. "So are me you and Jaison walking to school together?" I ask as I grab my bag and head out the door. "No, let's just go together," She sounds upset. "Okay I'm on the way," I lock the door behind me. Something tells me that today isn't going to be good. Hell, most days aren't good, bearable but not good. I rush over to Fiona's condo; I hate how huge the building is. She comes out all bundled up in her coat and scarf she's too cute. I kiss her, the taste is indescribable. Sweet, very sweet, like pure sugar yet not sickly sweet, maybe more like honey, yeah she tastes like honey. She looks, upset, no maybe worried, I don't know she just has that something is wrong look. I wonder what's bothering her, but like the army we have a don't ask don't tell policy. She gives me a slight smile and I smile back. When we reach the school I hold the door open for her as she somehow balances her purse, backpack, and a stack of books. After a quick stop to our lockers I walk her to class. I see her pull out her phone and text someone, _wonder who it is_. I walk down the hall and into Ms. Dawes' class room. We, Jaison Eli and I, Always hang out here before school. I see Jaison standing towards the back. "Hey Jaison," I say running up to him. I hug him from behind. "You're head feel any better?" I ask as I brush the pad of my thumb against the now formed bruise on his forehead. "Yeah, you have the magic touch," He says. A slight grin creeps across his face and I smile back. _What the hell Adam._ I don't know what's going on_. Do I like-like Jaison?_ He oh so lovingly hits me in the head with a wad of paper. "Hey!" I say smacking him with my notebook. Before I know it we're standing face to face. He's looking in my yes and I'm looking in his. Am I, am I falling for Jaison? He steps back a little and the bell rings. He takes his seat behind me and I sit down. "Okay, class pop quiz!" Ms. Dawes says with a somewhat evil grin. I look back at Jaison and roll my eyes. He chuckles and I grab a piece of paper out of my backpack. I get handed my paper and hand Jaison's back to him. _Who in __**To Kill a Mockingbird**__ is on trial?_ Oh, this is going to be an easy quiz. I glance back at Jaison and notice he's struggling on the first question. He's not as smart as he may think he is. I giggle to myself at the thought of how his brow furrows when he thinks really hard. I finish up the test and turn the paper over. I find myself daydreaming, no longer of Fiona but of Jaison, of his smile, and his eyes. I like how his eyes show every emotion, I like the gleam when he's smiling, and the lopsided grin he always has. I feel my phone buzz and I open it up. It's from Jaison. _Hey meet at the Dot after school? What's the answer to number one?_ I smile. _Sure we can meet up, and I'm not telling you the answer._ A few minutes later Ms. Dawes declares that the quiz is over. I look back at Jaison again both of us are smiling. There's something I can't resist about his smile. The bell rings and I watch Jaison sway out of the room. God he's so fabulous. _Wait, why am I thinking about him like this? _I'm driving myself crazy, I don't like men. I'm not gay. _Him! Him! Him! Him! Him! _I'm seriously going crazy. My phone vibrates as I stand to walk out of the room. I wait until I reach the hallway to open my phone. _Hey babe you should meet me by the special bathroom!_ Obviously it's from Fiona. I go to meet her and she pulls me into a deep passionate kiss. No, it wasn't a peck, it was a full on make out kiss. Of course, I kissed back, _what living male with a beating heart would not kiss her back?_ She is my girlfriend isn't she? God I love PDA, shows the jerks at school that I can actually get a girl. A minute before the bell rings we stop kissing. I catch myself thinking about Jaison again. I wonder what he tastes like. I wonder if he kisses sloppy or if he grinds on you when you make out. _Damn that sexy boy!_ I can't escape my thoughts. I decide I'll tell him tonight. I'll tell him straight forward _Jaison I like you. Just like that. _Fiona texts me as I get to my class. _Walking me home today?_ Damn it! _No I have plans._ I feel bad rejecting her but I have to see Jaison. _Okay have fun my prince._ I smile at that. I smile at everything she says. I realize this is the last class of the day. My heart skips a beat, almost time to see Jaison. The butterflies in my stomach flutter, I feel like I have to puke. _Why am I so nervous? It's just Jaison._ God I'm so scared. _What if he rejects me? What if he doesn't like me? What if he does? What am I going to do? How will I tell Fiona? What's going to happen? _I nearly trip over someone's backpack as I fumble to my seat. I just don't get it. I pull out a sheet of paper and start writing down the vocabulary on the board. When am I ever going to need to tell time in Spanish? I start doodling on the paper. I fall into a deep thought about Jaison, the Dot, and Fiona. "Adán, ¿Qué hora es?" I hear my teacher, but I just can't answer. "No sé, señora," I answer. This class is going to drag. I put my head on the desk pretending to work. I slowly drift off into sleep as she talks about the time. Next thing I know a book is slammed on my desk. "Adàn, ¿Por qué estás durmiendo en mi clase?" Mrs. J asks as I am startled awake. "No dormí bien anoche," I respond trying to wake up all the way. Why does she hate me? "No más tarde noches Adán." She says walking to the front room. I finish up my vocabulary and realize it's one minute till the bell. I feel like i'm going to have a heart attack. My heart pounds and my palms sweat. The bell jolts me from my thoughts and I rush out the door. I run straight to the Dot and wait for the sexiest man alive to enter.

**SPANISH TRANSLATIONS:**

**"Adán, ¿Qué hora es?" - Adam, What time is it?**

**"No sé, señora," - I don't know ma'am (miss) **

**"Adàn, ¿Por qué estás durmiendo en mi clase?" - Adam, Why are you sleeping in my class?**

**"No dormí bien anoche," - I didn't sleep well last night.**

**"No más tarde noches Adán." - No more late nights Adam.**


	10. Is it hot in here?

_**I OWN NOTHING BUT THE LAPTOP REVIEW? LOVE? HATE? THANKS TO CARTER FOR HELPING...its about to get steamy in here...**_

My eyes almost pop out of my head when Jaison walks in. I just don't get how he can wear jeans that skinny and shirts that tight and still pass. I begin to smile and I see him scanning the crowd. "Hey, Jaison, over her!" I say waving at him. "Hey, Adam!" He runs up to the table and sit down next to me. Next to me, not beside me, next to me. My heart skips a beat and I can't believe that he's here. "So, got anything to get off you're mind?" Jaison asks. I love you duh, I think but I don't say. "I uh, I like kind of," I just can't get it out of my mouth. "Spit it out already," Jaison says looking at me with a longing stare. "Just don't get mad okay?" I say hoping that he doesn't freak out. "I won't just say it," Jaison says looking anxious. "I kind of, well I like you," I finally stutter through the words. He puts his hand on mine and I blush. He stands up, holds my hand and leads me around the dot to the back alley. He pushes me against the wall and gets really close to me. He leans is closely and whispers, "I like you too." He moves away and leans against the wall beside me. My heart beats faster then it ever has before. "I really do like you, I just can't kiss you," He says as he slides down the side of the building. "I just respect you and Fiona's relationship." I let the conversation fall into the air. It floats and hovers in the air. "I have to get home, tons of homework, want to come along?" Jaison asks as he stands up. "Sure," I say as I follow. He takes me by the hand and we begin walking towards his house. He opens the door for me. "My room's the first door to the right," He says with a smile. I walk up as he follows close behind me. I open the door and set m things on the floor. I sit on his bed and watch him. He sits next to me and takes his shoes off. He chucks them into the closet and I laugh because he has several paper colored pride flags on the closet door. "Nice flags" I say as he pulls me closer. "Do you know what they symbolize?" He asks. "I'm not stupid Jaison," I say as he grabs the remote. "Sure you aren't and I don't even have homework," He says laying back, and taking me down with him. "Really?" I ask slightly amused. "Yes, I just wanted to be with you in private," He smiles, I love his smile. "I really don't mind that," I say as I grab the remote from him. I flip through the channels and find an old Life with Derek rerun. I put the remote on his thigh and look at him. His eyes are concentrated on the screen and I turn to watch it. I feel his arm around me. His warmth, I love it. I think I'm falling for him. Is that weird? All that time spent trying to win Fiona and I'm throwing it all away for Jaison. YES! YES! YES! I'd rather have Jaison than Fiona. What if someone from school finds out? Instead of being a freak I'll be a freak fag or a tranny fag or whatever they're calling it these days. I'm terrified they'll all say the same thing if I want to be with boys then why not stay a girl? Why not wear a dress and go by Gracie? Well why not just kill me now? Jaison tightened his arm around me. "Everything will be fine," He says rubbing my back. "Was that out loud?" I ask unsure of what he thinks of me. "No, but I can see it in your face, you had that be careful I'm thinking look," He said giving me a look. "What am I thinking now?" I ask. "You wanna kiss me and fuck me and make all kinds of love," He says as he cracks a smile. "Oh my God! MIND READER!" I say as we both fall over with laughter. We hear the front door open and footsteps on the stairs. The door to his room busts open and two little boys tumble in. "MOOOOOOOOOM JAISONS GOT A BOY IN HIS ROOM!" the smaller one calls down the stairs. "THEY'RE WATCHING PORN!" The older one screams. Jaison picks up one of his shoes off the floor and hurls it at them. "Get out!" he yells as they duck. "LEAVE YOUR BROTHER ALONE AND TELL HIM I BROUGHT DINNER" I hear his mom faintly from downstairs. She brings us up a box of pizza and I take a piece and hold it to Jaison's lips. He takes a bite and lets his lips graze my fingers ever so slightly. "I haven't seen you eat all day," I tell him as he smiles at me.

**_(A/N Carter wrote everything below this A/N and I did not edit it so this part you can thank Carter for)_**

"I haven't eaten all day because I was too busy thinking" "oh? About what?" He leaned in and looked at me, gently stroking my arm "you" I smiled "what about me?" "Well how you're really cute, how you talk to me, your eyes, your smile, your laugh, how you make me laugh and make me smile, just everything about you" I blushed bright red holding back a giggle. He leaned in and pressed his lips to mine, I fell into him, he makes me weak. I put my hands behind his neck as he parted his lips, all I could do was close my eyes and let him, I gave in to him, his temptation. I had closed my eyes and he put his arms around me. I wanted this, for so long and it's finally happening.


	11. Preview

THIS IS JUST A PREVIEW! YOU CAN NOW RECEIVE UPDATES ON WHEN I'M POSTING ON MY BLOG. Http:/degrassi-fanboys-updates(dot)blogspot(dot)com [replace the (dot) with a .]

My body tingles as his tongue creeps into my mouth I close my eyes and feel his hand creep into my hair before he pulled away. I felt like I was going to fall but his arms tightened around me. I was safe, and I knew I was safe. I opened my eyes and there he was. He smiled at me and I knew it wasn't a dream. His smile was hypnotizing and I knew I was in love with him. I can't believe that I'm still with Fiona. I really want to break up with her, but I worked so hard to get her.


	12. Preview part 2

_**A/N This is all i have for now i'm writing more now tho**_

My body tingles as his tongue creeps into my mouth I close my eyes and feel his hand creep into my hair before he pulled away. I felt like I was going to fall but his arms tightened around me. I was safe, and I knew I was safe. I opened my eyes and there he was. He smiled at me and I knew it wasn't a dream. His smile was hypnotizing and I knew I was in love with him. I can't believe that I'm still with Fiona. I really want to break up with her, but I worked so hard to get her.

I'm at a loss for words as I leave Jaison's house I don't know if it's because I love jasion or because I love fiona. I mean is there anything between me and fiona? Or was I just lost in a hopeless dream. DO I love Jaison? Or am I just jelous of him? Do i really want a relatonship? I'm confused as i walk down towards my house i begin to see colours in the corner of my eye. Next thing remember everything goes blackk an i fall. I feel scared and nervous and detached from my body. ADAM! ADAM! I hear somebody calling my name but its so hard to come back from the floating darkness. I groan softly as i open my eyes.

DREW'S POV

A usualy me and Bianca had to have out sex fling after school and as i turn the corner to head home i see someone on the sidewalk. I realize it's my brother and i run strate towards him. ADAM! I scream as i notice he's seising. He hasn't had a seizure since we were small. I think he was 5 the last time. I see him begin to come through and i imediantly pick him up and carry him home.


End file.
